I had lost my gorgeous and much loved chocolate boy Ben in March 2005 due to a sudden and tragic accident from which he never recovered. He was only 3 ½ and I was devastated. I had wanted a chocolate Labrador for a long time and Ben was like a child to me. I felt robbed of my future with him. My heart ached from the loss and my arms ached with the need to hold a furry friend again. I wanted to have another chocolate Labrador but it had to be one that was related to my Ben, so at least I could feel that a part of him would still be with me in some way. Ben’s father was a super chocolate dog called Mars of Mennymills so I contacted the breeder who owned him to see if Mars had any more pups due in the near future. Sadly I was told that Mars was now too old to breed from but that his daughter was expecting a litter in the near future so I reserved a puppy from that litter. That puppy was to be your brother Freddie.
Not long after I found out that Ben’s mother, who was owned by another breeder, was also expecting another litter. She was a lovely dark chocolate colour and tended to pass this on to her pups so I had the somewhat crazy idea of having a pup from this litter too as it was more likely to be the same shade of chocolate as my Ben plus it would be his half sibling.
When the time came to go and pick you out I was so excited. There were 5 pups in the litter 2 boys and 3 girls. I already had a boy reserved so I wanted to have a little girl. I picked you because you were the biggest and darkest and therefore the most similar to your half brother Ben. When I held you for the first time a voice in my head kept repeating the name Ellie and the strange ache of longing to hold you in my arms was suddenly sated. You had planted a little seed of love in my heart.
When we got you home Freddie, who had already arrived the day before, came running out to greet you and you were so surprised and shocked that you turned tail and ran away from him. However this somewhat inauspicious start was quickly overcome and the two of you became the best of friends. You were just 4 days older than Freddie so you were both spring pups and you spent your first months of life playing in the garden and sleeping on the stone slab throughout that long warm summer. I found out later that you shared the same father so you were actual half siblings.
You were very pretty, dark chocolate with beautiful, large, light brown eyes and you were always a very good, cleaver girl. A goody two shoes in fact. If you had been a person you would have been head girl or a prefect and most definitely the school swat. You never once growled at another dog or showed any kind of negative behavior. You were such a friendly, happy, wriggly girl. If you got on the sofa you would never settle still and relax but would wriggle around non stop until you were told to get down so others could enjoy the TV in peace.
We took you on many trips, one of the most memorable being a month on the road touring around Ireland and Scotland staying in dog friendly B&Bs. I remember you clambering over the Giant’s Causeway and trotting through pretty wooded landscapes or settling down by a large lake while your daddy did a spot of fishing. Another time we took you to Norfolk to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. There were some lovely walks along the beach and you and Freddie paddled in the sea and the river never quite having the courage to go for a swim.
You took such pleasure in the smallest, simplest things; walks, a good fuss and of course food! You loved your food. Even when you were advancing in years you would still be inexplicably excited by what to human eyes looked like boring fare. You would run down the garden to the shed and spin around excitedly waiting for your bowl to be filled. Then once you had eaten you would trot back up to the house to be given your daily chew. After that things would calm down until it was time for your walk. You so loved your daily routine.
As you got older you got cannier. You were never as athletic as Freddie, preferring to trot alongside us when out on walks. You soon realized that on certain walks, where we had to double back on ourselves, you could hang back and wait for us to go round and then re-join us as we arrived back at the place you were waiting, or you would take a short cut across the fields and catch up with us after having cut off a large corner of the walk. On at least one occasion you took a short cut across a very large ditch in order to somewhat reduce the walk, although I am not sure that the effort involved in climbing across this ditch was worth it compared to the actual distance saved on the walk!
Wherever you went people loved you for being so good natured and friendly. Even at the vet’s you would pant excitedly and wriggle around so it was hard to keep you still for your vaccinations.
Then about 2 years ago we noticed a growth on your eyelid. Our local vet removed it and it all looked very good, however within a few weeks the growth had returned and we got the news that it was a very aggressive cancer. Following a referral to the Animal Healthcare Trust near Newmarket you underwent radical surgery which meant you had to loose your eye. This was followed by radiotherapy and a series of vaccinations to combat the cancer. I was appalled by how you looked after the operation and I felt dreadful that I had been responsible for mutilating you in that horrific way. You however were not in the slightest bit bothered. You adapted amazingly well to only having one eye and carried on as if nothing had happened, totally oblivious as to how you looked. But then dogs do not have the vanity of humans and are far better able to focus on what really matters in life. As part of your ongoing treatment you were monitored with several scans and we were told that there were a couple of small polyps one on your lung and one on your liver, however these did not appear to be increasing in size so we hoped they wouldn’t develop into anything bad.
Earlier this year you started to gradually lose your appetite. It started very slowly. You would leave a few bits of kibble in your bowl which your brother Genghis would gleefully gobble up. Little by little the quantity left in the bowl increased, but you still seemed happy and keen to go on your walks, so we put it down to old age and you just not being as hungry as when you were younger. I could relate to this as I myself eat less now than a couple of years ago. Then while we were away on holiday we were told that you weren’t eating much and by the time we returned you had stopped eating. I tried to tempt your appetite with chicken and rice but to no avail.
We took you to the vet who gave you an ultrasound. The two polyps had grown into large tumors. One of these was full of blood and could burst at any time. We were told what we already suspected, you had reached the end of the road and it was time to say goodbye. I didn’t want to say goodbye at the vet’s. I wanted you to be at home in familiar surroundings, comfortable and warm on your bed. We took you home and had a couple of days to say farewell. Despite the medication, your condition was deteriorating fast and you weren’t even drinking now. We resorted to syringing water into your mouth and putting a little meat paste on your tongue.
When the vet finally came we sat with you talking to you, telling you we loved you, stroking you and giving you kisses. You were very weak and to be quite honest I don’t think you would have lasted another day. You slipped away so quietly, so quickly, so peacefully. Your life at an end. Another of my children gone from my side.